October

by NOLSE

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about

THERE'S A MISTAKE IN "all the love you gave"
BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

credits

released November 23, 2016

cover/cover painting by Paul Sutfin

music written, performed, recorded, "produced", by Paul Sutfin on
piano, trumpet, organ, and synth

Oct-Nov. 2016.
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NOLSE

Solo shit
of Paul Sutfin

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Track Name: This I Have Chosen
consider the world
consider the earth

sun's wintered chalks
piled and scattered

this i have chosen
this i have chosen
Track Name: Father Time
father mine
father time
hands filtered
hands flattened
sweeping the floor
weeping the poor

not rooted in fits of love
and unfit to measure

nothing we hold gives us its name

we fall from time to time
i pray God forgive me
Track Name: Two Worlds
knowing nothing, one teaches through love
knowing nothing, one teaches through terror

this small grain will be flesh

two worlds that surface seldom part
one is alone then
such a man strikes at the distance
the dog still rears its head in hearing
we are still snake bodies,
bellied in, hunger-stretched

i saw worlds coil in light
the heart of grass dense beneath me
i saw hands move about me
as the eye's blankness grew

knowing nothing, one teaches through love
knowing nothing, one teaches through terror
Track Name: What Small Sky
all the love you gave
all the words you said
like a tongue that summer had forgotten
bleeding, when the earth needs rain

never mind those games they're playing
darkening out what small sky's remaining
Track Name: Lullaby M
When I knew you, you'd walked right out of darkness
When I said your name, we were children of the shadows.
When I knew you, you'd walked right out of darkness
When I said your name, we were children of the morning.

by myrrha jamil
Track Name: All the Love You Gave
all the love you gave
all the love you gave
loosened the wall

the way home has fallen sad

all the love you gave,
shaking the wall
Track Name: As The Child
as the child grows,
grows, demands love,
gathers force
up the stairs hides
almost herself

the atmosphere above seems slower
not the hurry of guilt from below

driven less by desire than life
driven less by water than thirst
Track Name: Ah, Agressive Beasts
on the roads we sat and wept
growing lighter with the loss of moisture
void, black and pulsing


ah, aggressive beasts
covered with a multitude of eyes
blanketing many fields, galloping


wedged in half-human formations
on edges of lakes
on fleshes of mountains,
the angels came
Track Name: Love and Death
there were other signs
though
that death had wooed us
by water wooed us
by land, among the pines
an uncurled mouth lay swollen
rearing in polluted air

birth not death
is the hard loss

I know:
I also left a skin there
Track Name: The Pilgrim
this you may have heard in the early night:
from under the wolves, the pilgrim comes
from under this skin in the morning light

you were walking the banks among the bones
the heart of the river was only a stone
Track Name: To Measure
i must go with no other
to the land of little rain,
to the season of passing-
here you've buried me

dark and bitter it's become,
stumbling down the stairs,
our clothes undone

dashing like bulls
feet first from the pit
hands in and sensing the end
pausing beneath and lifting my head
Track Name: A Simple Beast
a simple beast, here it lied
she loved too much in all her strength
stretched out and broken down
and now the rags fill my eyes
and in leaving I am undone
and in the end I'm not the lucky one
Track Name: By Beauty, By Loss
a heaviness in front in back
you surrender yourself
to an instant of beauty

the old story goes on and on:
you were never anywhere
but here

I lose myself
I exaggerate
mine is the loss
Track Name: ?
was a window open?
is a storm in the house?
let be
let believe
Track Name: Less by Desire
as the child grows,
grows, demands love,
gathers force
up the stairs hides
almost herself

the atmosphere above seems slower
not the hurry of guilt from below

driven less by water than thirst
driven less by desire than life
Track Name: Was a Window Open?
was a window open?
is a storm in the house?
let be, let be.

are there hands on the window?
let be, let be.
they're only branches lifting themselves
against the immensity

are there dreams beneath the bed?
let be, let be.
they're only airplanes made of glass and gold
moving like bees
they've forgotten how to speak after thousands of years
of sleeping in the earth
let be, let be.

was a window open?
is a storm in the house?
let be, let be.
Track Name: Often of My Birds
often of my orchards
often of my birds
wintering with bruises
given me to reflect

often of my morning
often of my night
wintering with bruises
given me to silence

often of my orchards
often my birds
Track Name: After All
and in the end it's
all a dream

after the fall
we're safe again